Free...

Today at church I fetched 1 of my friend, Mikha..

Upon reaching church, he was asking me to go up to the youth service but I hesitated..

I couldn't decide which service to go and he was like "pressuring" me to go upstairs..haha

So, I asked to be alone..And..I felt this feeling..

That I should stay at the main service..That God has prepared something for me..

I wasn't in a state where I wanted to be alone at that moment..So Gen was there with me..

Gen being there is enough altho we didn't talk much..

So today Pastor Chan spoke words that touched my heart..

I was going through self acceptance..I was actually going to think..

That what the world thinks is okay..for me

I felt like the queer one..Holding sex within the boundary of marriage..in college

Throughout my life..I've been shaped..to think so..

It was shaken when I stepped into college..And watching pond..Is like a normal thing..

But..It has always been a huge taboo in the church and my home...that's where I grew up

Pastor told how the world mindset has changed where foul languages are normality and sex indulgence is a normal thing..

I was wondering..Am I a person supposed to be in the past..Living today?

There comes the realisation..God has never changed..What he commanded..Will never change..

These sins..Will be a barrier between me and the One above..

What he spoke today I can relate to what I'm going through..

I can handle study pressure..but was never able to handle relationship

I am now..Standing up as myself..

I've lost the pressure to fit in the current society..

Like my hair..I dyed it..because I don't want to be everyone..

These are my values..That shall not be shaken

I can smile..when I'm true to myself