Free...

Today at church I fetched 1 of my friend, Mikha..

Upon reaching church, he was asking me to go up to the youth service but I hesitated..

I couldn't decide which service to go and he was like "pressuring" me to go upstairs..haha

So, I asked to be alone..And..I felt this feeling..

That I should stay at the main service..That God has prepared something for me..

I wasn't in a state where I wanted to be alone at that moment..So Gen was there with me..

Gen being there is enough altho we didn't talk much..

So today Pastor Chan spoke words that touched my heart..

I was going through self acceptance..I was actually going to think..

That what the world thinks is okay..for me

I felt like the queer one..Holding sex within the boundary of marriage..in college

Throughout my life..I've been shaped..to think so..

It was shaken when I stepped into college..And watching pond..Is like a normal thing..

But..It has always been a huge taboo in the church and my home...that's where I grew up

Pastor told how the world mindset has changed where foul languages are normality and sex indulgence is a normal thing..

I was wondering..Am I a person supposed to be in the past..Living today?

There comes the realisation..God has never changed..What he commanded..Will never change..

These sins..Will be a barrier between me and the One above..

What he spoke today I can relate to what I'm going through..

I can handle study pressure..but was never able to handle relationship

I am now..Standing up as myself..

I've lost the pressure to fit in the current society..

Like my hair..I dyed it..because I don't want to be everyone..

These are my values..That shall not be shaken

I can smile..when I'm true to myself

Poop!

Well..I'm just going to crap a little..

A little perhaps.. heh..

I've been a little lazy to update lately..Exam stresses me out to no end..Dang..

That busy life started again..And I'm tired :-l

SO..I've been staying in Maple during the weekdays for a few weeks or perhaps a month or so..I didn't keep track..

And of course I had some opinion or I had a little piece of my mind to share..

Living outside is no-problem to me..I can adapt well

Still, there's still something I will not tolerate, will not accept, will not adapt to and..I found out..

It's just like a test..Can you be yourself out there??

With your friends criticizing the things that's a norm to you..

Or perhaps suggesting things to do that is written down in your No list..

I thought I can do well...But it gets on your nerves when someone criticizing the way you do things and the way you are..

Or do things..you HATE

I'm making my 1st point here...Of all the things..I HATE people scolding bad words..

For many people it's normal..

I grew up where people don't swear or say foul words..

Apparently...It was tough for people who thinks foul words is normal to enter a place where foul words is despised by certain people..

Did those people think about how I felt when someone who doesn't swears entering a place where everyone swears?

What can i do? I was brought up to be not comfortable with it

I grew up in a society where sex jokes even...is despised

Suddenly it was a totally different thing..Sex is a normal thing in college?

What? You didn't understand before you make the statement..

I need to adapt to the new environment while holding my values firm..

You are not them..So am I..

And..If you don't start treating me as a friend..I won't...

All i wanted..is this..Just start..or it will just be an awkward unwilling friendship

So i tried to be a friend..I failed miserably..

I was an annoying immature person when I tried to make a person smile..

Why did i do so?..

now i couldn't care less..

Stop judging me..

Although you are everything that I can't accept..I could see a good side of you which I focused on..Instead..you saw..nothing..

It's fine..I can live on

It's normal to complain about roommates..I certainly did & always did that..

I had 2..not-so-hygienic roommate..but whatever...I always scold them for being so..

So I'm labelled as "Tiny and dangerous"

You see..I'm not a simple being..Inside me i might be boiling red but outside might not..

I learnt..I don't like people using me..I might be selfish sometimes..

Unless it is a worthy investment..I will not go all over for friendship..

___________________________________________________

I've got over my previous depression..

I found out after..

It wasn't worth it..Since the smile goes on without me..And I understood that

Now..I need someone to help me understand..Life

I don't want to be selfish, angry, depressed at times and unable to smile..

Going out into the world..I became like that..

Perhaps home..Will be a refuge for me to be selfless, happy..loving life

Which I currently do not

Home will be my home..

and the place where God is..

Christmas is coming soon..The day of the year of which I love the most..

It's not the snow, the tradition or whatever..It was the day God sent his one and only begotten son to the earth..

Which makes me wanna say..Amen

Sasha

Wondering what's my title's bout? It's the name of the Mr Pilot in 2012!

lol...I just love his name =D It's like so...Sasha hahaha

I don't think it's that good btw..

Here's a conversation I had over msn with my cousin:

Casts:

Řδŋ~

[~_ZhiYi_~:[

Elaine (in case you don't know..she's 11 yrs old ONLY haha~)

_____________________________________________________

Řδŋ~ says:

u got problem? =.=

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

??

what problem?/

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ just sent you a nudge.

Řδŋ~ says:

i hate u foong yi ling

=....=

childish

haha

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

she really

ARGHHH

talk about her aso i angry

i copy the history let u see

Řδŋ~ says:

lol?

fast la...

* conversation started *

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ oi

why u online wan

Elaine : coz i gt computer??

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ u didn't go to school meh ?

Elaine : =.=

no need go 1

hahahaha

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ why

Řδŋ~ says:

hahahaha

then????

Elaine : i very smart d

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ hmmm

if ur bodoh oso didn't go to school la

am i right

Elaine : no

u r rong

if i stupid i will go sch

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ then

you are very stupid

Elaine : bt i nt stupid

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ i don't noe wat kind of person are you

* Elaine is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

Elaine : sure u wont noe

u got web cam??

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ you got on webcam anot?

Elaine : i dun have

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ i dun have oso

Elaine : then y u invite me

zzzz

*Elaine has canceled the invitation to start sending webcam.

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ i didn't invite u oso

u invite me mah

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ Elaine is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

Elaine : is "elaine is inviting

PLS LA

I WONT BE SO FREE

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ you oso mah

i oso not so free to invite you

Elaine : fine

i lazy wanna tok 2 u

coz everytime aso u will scold me 1

hahaha

i wan go d

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ who wants to see ur pig face

haha

Elaine : yaya

i told 2 i dun 1 chat wit u

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ u so historical

bb

oi

popo ask me to tell u not to play com already

go and eat ur rice

Elaine : pls la

sure is u

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ really la

Elaine : so "ke po"

tell popo i playing!!!

popo is beside me now

Elaine : u dun lie

even he beside aso

she*

she wont noe is me

zzz

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ i tell her liao la

Elaine : u don't noe i will help popo de meh?

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ oi

damn fellow

Elaine : seriously

i feel like

wan 2 slap u now

i dun 1 tok 2 u

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ haha

Elaine : forever n ever using msn

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ Elaine go away!!

* conversation end *

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ the end

in 10mins

i tio scold by her

kaw kaw

Řδŋ~ says:

=.=

like she scold u more lo

hahahaha

hahahaha

:[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

yala

Řδŋ~ says:

ahahahha

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

i saying

i kena scold

zzz

tio-=kena

Řδŋ~ says:

i kept laughing leh

hahahahaha

omg.....

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

SHE SAY POPO STAND BESIDE HER SO SHE NOE I ONLINE

I WAS LIEK WTFFFFFFFF

Řδŋ~ says:

y u go find her

AHAHAHHA

:[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

POPO ASO NOE MY NAME IN MSN???!!!

THEN SHE START @ BULL SHIT WITH ME

Řδŋ~ says:

u write zhiyi ma

=.=

:[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

zzz

Řδŋ~ says:

maybe she with yen yen here

:[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

dunno her la

Řδŋ~ says:

so geng wan shoot u

[~_ZhiYi_~:[ says:

she really

i nth 2 say

YALA

_______________________________________________________________________________

Lol...the end..

Anyway..Went various places altho exam is starting next week T.T

Will update if i'm free lala~