Omg wei.........................

T.T

What the heck man.........

In just 2 days..It's already enough to make me devastated...T.T

1st day of the week..Monday!

I accidentally left my pencil box at printing shop..

I realised i left without it but didn't turn back to get it because I'm already late for class..

Since I was thinking that I'll be back there 1 hour later..I thought it wouldn't hurt..

That shop feller told me someone claimed it..

Someone wearing white, tall & wearing glasses..I thought it was 1 of my friend..

Then I found out it wasn't...

I was like WTFish don't joke with me...It wasn't a joke as I hoped so T.T

I successfully lost a set of complete stationaries (It cost me rm20++ to replace it but isn't complete yet..)

Also..another achievement is I successfully and gloriously lost 2 pen drive..

2gb and another 8gb..I don't really mind the content since i have backup..

But WTH man!.........my pendrive is precious to me T.T

Second day..Tuesday 5/1/10

Today..Arrrgghh..I lost a text book I borrowed from the library..

I think it cost at least rm50..T.T

I don't really care bout tht la..Aiyaaa.........this week I seriously used alot of money

Just now when I was driving back to Maple (PJ house)..

Suddenly the clutch go "Prraaakk"

I'm so lost that time..I don't know what to do=...=

At least that time I'm going slow and no car behind me and near a place where I can park

Thank God!!

I'm honest about my gratitude to God..I mean like what if I'm going fast and I've already turned to the downhill?

I hope tomorrow it isn't my laptop's turn to K.O.

T.T i had enough..

This is what i put at my car =...=

Have a Blast...

It's been like ages since I've been updating and reading blogs..

haha..I can't afford to lose some precious hours nowadays..

SERIOUSLY i tell you..I didn't spend time doing pretty much anything except doing assignment & homeworks..and studying a bit..

It definitely felt like I don't have a life..

Yet I chose to write the bottled bits of the thoughts on my mind now ..

So it will be 100% words written down from the bottom my heart..haha

1st thing 1st..Please forgive me if I haven't been replying promptly and keeping in touch although you tried..

I'm seriously busy studying & doing assignment till the extent of having 2 hours sleep a day..

When exactly this storm will be over? =.=

I had never worked this hard during SPM..In the past I would sleep in almost every class..Play online games and did alot of sleeping basically..

Now? I cried because I'm turning into a lifeless person..Facing my educational craps 22/7..

Oh my God..

Anyway..It's pretty much obvious I smile & laugh so less nowadays..I couldn't do it much..

I lost weight..I looked bony..Which my mom hates to see..

I just came back from the New Year reunion thingy with the J4 peeps..

I enjoyed myself and laughed so much during that time..It's a little shocking..!

When we were halfway laughing..I felt soreness in my mouth!

Realisation hit me...I didn't laugh so much nowadays..

Well...Sad but true..only they can make me laugh and smile so much and I kept wanting it..

Another sad truth..I won't be seeing them for probably months?..

God knows how much I wanna see them & talk to them..zz

I had a great time..In the past years I've always celebrated new year..Alone..

I really will cherish this..

I'm getting better with my coll mates..Somehow some of them..Annoys me

Probably it's because they need more time to know what I can't tolerate..the most recent one.. Plain rudeness..If it's supposed to be a joke...It shouldn't be rude obviously..Face this

Oh..there's a pretty amazing girl..I think she's an amazing friend..

I've always thought she was a complex one..but she isn't so much as complicated..It was a rather different discovery haha..

There are many assignment..but I think the reason I'm so busy is that I'm the leader for most of them..Damn...it's unexpected huh?

haha..

Well..I willingly took it because..I'm Bossy..As simple as that! haha

I don't think I have time for Love now..since i prefer sleeping..

Hoho..That day when I was sleeping, I dreamt that I was a gay..chasing after this gorgeous guy ahhaha...So it really made me wonder..What made me dreamt of it?

I'm writing at 3am now..In 1st January 2010...

I seriously can't control my sleepiness already...Goodnight everyone...

Have a blast in the year 2010... :)

Me Craazzee

So nothing much is happening in my life except loads of exams, going out & struggling to live
God...WHY..I'm dying to survive..Exams are just so much more annoying than some "people" haha~
New year is coming..AGAIN..
Honestly it's blady boring...=.=
There's replacement classes on new yr eve..and if I've not mistaken there's exam right after new year..Yeah...It destroyed my Christmas too.. T.T
Me planning to buy x'mas candy..I don't know why...Maybe it would help to feel Christmassy? xD

Cm'n..I won't get to have fun until my finals are over...Which is next year.......Arrrggg...
Whatever...I'm going to Conference next week for 2days and Daddy's B'day..Woo~
talkin' bout destressing haha..

1 more thing..why don't i have hairline like Channing Tatum..=.=
Then i would be bald all the time..
It's annoying to spend alot of time to make it look..Just a little not-so-weird

It's a wonder how can I go out so much when exam is only about a week away..My gosh...
I went to MidV to buy new year clothes..And..

I want to buy indian clothes so much...Any suggestion besides "British India" shop???..There's a shirt which looks freaking awesome but it's about 4 digits..which is about..rm1000
hoho

I stumbled upon this particular pants..haha~
So I went to Topshop..And I saw this formal pants..
Well...I just took it without thinking just to try.. I wasn't in an unsound mind to actually buy it =D
Imagine my surprise when I slipped it on..It's like.............SKINNY formal pants...
O.O
I know la my legs can be a women's but i don't need it =....=


What you are about to see is very graphic..
I'm influenced too much by the song "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga i guess..(She's awesome +.+)
I was laughing so hard when I took the pics hahahaha...
HEY!! shaddap!
I just got a LITTLE overexcited Okay!!


No laa...........it wasn't my leg!



And and! I bought this shirt! Well it doesn't cost much..Just rm25 haha
I bought it cuz it's funny...lol
It says "Are you rocker? Going to rock with me?"
I don't know if anyone get the "funny" side of it though..
hahahaha
Lol! I was just having fun laaa...
Goonite!

Free...

Today at church I fetched 1 of my friend, Mikha..

Upon reaching church, he was asking me to go up to the youth service but I hesitated..

I couldn't decide which service to go and he was like "pressuring" me to go upstairs..haha

So, I asked to be alone..And..I felt this feeling..

That I should stay at the main service..That God has prepared something for me..

I wasn't in a state where I wanted to be alone at that moment..So Gen was there with me..

Gen being there is enough altho we didn't talk much..

So today Pastor Chan spoke words that touched my heart..

I was going through self acceptance..I was actually going to think..

That what the world thinks is okay..for me

I felt like the queer one..Holding sex within the boundary of marriage..in college

Throughout my life..I've been shaped..to think so..

It was shaken when I stepped into college..And watching pond..Is like a normal thing..

But..It has always been a huge taboo in the church and my home...that's where I grew up

Pastor told how the world mindset has changed where foul languages are normality and sex indulgence is a normal thing..

I was wondering..Am I a person supposed to be in the past..Living today?

There comes the realisation..God has never changed..What he commanded..Will never change..

These sins..Will be a barrier between me and the One above..

What he spoke today I can relate to what I'm going through..

I can handle study pressure..but was never able to handle relationship

I am now..Standing up as myself..

I've lost the pressure to fit in the current society..

Like my hair..I dyed it..because I don't want to be everyone..

These are my values..That shall not be shaken

I can smile..when I'm true to myself

Poop!

Well..I'm just going to crap a little..

A little perhaps.. heh..

I've been a little lazy to update lately..Exam stresses me out to no end..Dang..

That busy life started again..And I'm tired :-l

SO..I've been staying in Maple during the weekdays for a few weeks or perhaps a month or so..I didn't keep track..

And of course I had some opinion or I had a little piece of my mind to share..

Living outside is no-problem to me..I can adapt well

Still, there's still something I will not tolerate, will not accept, will not adapt to and..I found out..

It's just like a test..Can you be yourself out there??

With your friends criticizing the things that's a norm to you..

Or perhaps suggesting things to do that is written down in your No list..

I thought I can do well...But it gets on your nerves when someone criticizing the way you do things and the way you are..

Or do things..you HATE

I'm making my 1st point here...Of all the things..I HATE people scolding bad words..

For many people it's normal..

I grew up where people don't swear or say foul words..

Apparently...It was tough for people who thinks foul words is normal to enter a place where foul words is despised by certain people..

Did those people think about how I felt when someone who doesn't swears entering a place where everyone swears?

What can i do? I was brought up to be not comfortable with it

I grew up in a society where sex jokes even...is despised

Suddenly it was a totally different thing..Sex is a normal thing in college?

What? You didn't understand before you make the statement..

I need to adapt to the new environment while holding my values firm..

You are not them..So am I..

And..If you don't start treating me as a friend..I won't...

All i wanted..is this..Just start..or it will just be an awkward unwilling friendship

So i tried to be a friend..I failed miserably..

I was an annoying immature person when I tried to make a person smile..

Why did i do so?..

now i couldn't care less..

Stop judging me..

Although you are everything that I can't accept..I could see a good side of you which I focused on..Instead..you saw..nothing..

It's fine..I can live on

It's normal to complain about roommates..I certainly did & always did that..

I had 2..not-so-hygienic roommate..but whatever...I always scold them for being so..

So I'm labelled as "Tiny and dangerous"

You see..I'm not a simple being..Inside me i might be boiling red but outside might not..

I learnt..I don't like people using me..I might be selfish sometimes..

Unless it is a worthy investment..I will not go all over for friendship..

___________________________________________________

I've got over my previous depression..

I found out after..

It wasn't worth it..Since the smile goes on without me..And I understood that

Now..I need someone to help me understand..Life

I don't want to be selfish, angry, depressed at times and unable to smile..

Going out into the world..I became like that..

Perhaps home..Will be a refuge for me to be selfless, happy..loving life

Which I currently do not

Home will be my home..

and the place where God is..

Christmas is coming soon..The day of the year of which I love the most..

It's not the snow, the tradition or whatever..It was the day God sent his one and only begotten son to the earth..

Which makes me wanna say..Amen