Time to get real

A note for myself..It's time to wake up

Well..haha..I gotta stop living in my fantasy world and bullshitting stuffs (etc: Love)

Sorry friends who entertained me when I was living in my fantasy world..I think it bores them..I had fun though..all kinds of fun lol..I'm crapping again

I got too caught up on something and I held on to it..Until this few days..I finally let go of the insane thoughts and desire..

Now I fully let go of the desire to love someone and to be loved..yeah yeah it is an amazing feeling..

but I guess it can wait for now..

Time to be realistic..I know what I did was immature and bla bla..

You know what? I didn't really care..It's ok to do new things once a while hahah

Letting go of that topic..which I really don't want anyone to question too detail about it..What I told is just about what I want to tell.

Hmm..I wanna write about the dream I had the other day

I had a noon nap till around 8pm..

The dream started when I enter the lift with my roommate..Hmm..I think his existence didn't really matter cuz I can't connect his presence to any significant meaning

The lift went up the 1st time..it stopped at the top floor..but goes down without opening the doors..Same thing happened when it reached the lowest floor..It went up again..

This time the lift goes down by falling..I was listening to my ipod when I realised it's going down way too fast!

I began to scream a little..but then I thought of something..

Death wasn't something I was afraid of

I bowed my head and prayed..I realised it was too late to ask for forgiveness..I didn't want to end in Hell..It scares the hell out of me!

When the lift almost reach the lowest floor..I thought it would land with a crash..but it slowed down and stopped..but then..it went up again..

I woke up..

My roommate woke up too..I sent some messages..

Then I cried..It was uncontrollable..and my roommate saw that =.=..how embarrassing..

He asked me questions but I couldn't answer as my throat felt like it's choking..

It was pretty funny that he thought I was possessed when I suddenly cried..haha!

Gosh..the idea of going to hell..My genuine fear..

Well..it's pretty obvious God has sent me a vision and I interpreted it..He gave me chances..that's why the lift goes up and down..being in the lift is like being trapped in my sins..I never got free of my sins..So the doors never opened

I went out of my room to have a bath..but I was caught in a hearty talk with my house-mates..At first I was pretending to smile..It got better after that..They are very nice people =)

I have to stop my habit of putting a mask on whenever I'm unhappy..It makes me feel so fake..

Hmm..i gotta say..I'm improving at it

I'm Ron..I don't want to be an emo guy in the eyes of people =D

Anyway! Currently I have no internet access in Setapak..which sucks big time =.="

lol..and I had my midterm test for Basic Electronic...I finally get to feel how it's like to hand in blank papers...It feels pretty much crappy, horrible, vegetable and horrendous..haha~

1 good thing about the test..I already know my result for it

FAIL